Pun-Tastic Dad Jokes That’ll Make You Groan 👋

I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed!

I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed!'

I could tell a joke about pizza, but it's a little cheesy.

If you see a crime happen at the Apple store, what does it make you?' 'An iWitness.'

Jose came back from his first trip to the U.S. and was very excited and wanted to tell his family all about it. "What did you do?" asked his brother."I went to a Yankee baseball game. It was great!""Were the people nice to you?" asked his mother."Mama, they couldn't have been nicer. Before the game started, everyone stood up and asked me 'Jose can you see?'"

To the person who stole my glasses: I will find you. I have contacts.

After an extremely tense argument with my wife, the house was so quiet, you could hear a pin drop. Things got a lot worse, when I saw the grenade flying towards me.

Can I watch TV? Yes but don't turn it on.

Why can't your hand be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.

My wife just completed a 40 week bodybuilding program this morning. It's a girl and weighs 7lbs 12 oz.

Caesar: Brutus, what do you call those pillars we use in our buildings? Brutus: Columns, sir.Caesar: You call them sir? I know you don't have the authority I do, but have *some* self-respect.

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine: we just get better with age. The next day she locked me in the cellar.

"Call me Delta Airlines cause I can't handle your extra baggage!"

What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y!

My wife left me because of my obsession with pasta. I'm feeling cannelloni right now.