The Best (and Worst) Actually Funny Dad Jokes 👋

I hate Velcro. It's a rip off.

My IQ test results came back. They were negative.

Give a man a plane ticket and he flies for the day. Push him out of the plane at 3,000 feet and he’ll fly for the rest of his life.

30 percent of pet owners let their pets sleep in their bed. I tried it and my goldfish died.

I’m friends with almost all the letters of the alphabet. I just don’t know Y.

Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food colouring. The doctor says i'm ok, but i feel like i've dyed a little inside.

I was once a personal trainer, until I gave a too-weak notice.

How come the Hulk doesn't lose his pants when he transforms? The experiment altered his jeans.

A son tells his father, “I have an imaginary girlfriend.” The father sighs and says, “You know, you could do better.” “Thanks Dad,” the son says. “That means a lot.” The father shakes his head and goes, “I was talking to your girlfriend.”

I have a joke about construction, but I’m still working on it.

My ex and I had a very amicable divorce. I know this because when I posted on Facebook, “I’m getting a divorce,” she was the first one to like it.

Just got back from a job interview where I was asked if I could perform under pressure. I said I wasn’t too sure about that but I could do a wicked “Bohemian Rhapsody.”

Did the hear about the ice cream truck accident? It crashed on a rocky road.

‌‌I m‌‌et a‌‌ g‌‌irl a‌‌t a‌‌ c‌‌lub t‌‌he o‌‌ther n‌‌ight &‌‌ s‌‌he t‌‌old m‌‌e s‌‌he'd s‌‌how m‌‌e a‌‌ g‌‌ood t‌‌ime. When w‌‌e g‌‌ot o‌‌utside, s‌‌he r‌‌an a‌‌ 4‌‌0 y‌‌ard d‌‌ash i‌‌n 4‌‌.8 s‌‌econds.

What’s the difference between unlawful and illegal? Unlawful includes things like drunk driving or robbery, whereas illegal is a sick bird.