The Best (and Worst) Classic Dad Jokes 👋

My kitten won top prize in a cute competition. Unfortunately, they messed up the award... Instead of making it in the shape of a kitty's face they made it into a kitty's behind!!It's a real cat-ass-trophy!

I was air drumming some Metallica at a stop light. I lost a drumstick out the window and quickly changed to Def Leppard.

So Robert Frost and his wife are lost in the woods Robert Frost remarks to his wife "We've got miles to go before we sleep"And his wife replies "Well maybe if we hadn't taken the road less traveled by we'd be there already"

"Someone's been sleeping in MY bed!" said Papa Bear. "Someone's been sleeping in MY bed!" said Mama Bear."Please stop fighting," sobbed Baby Bear. "It's Christmas."

Why do Americans always win gold at the shooting Olympics? because they practice at the best schools

Why does a snail never sell its home? Because once they sell it, it goes into escargot.

I was lonely until I glued a coffee cup on top of my car Now everyone waves at me

Why couldn’t the turtle get his neck out of his shell? Reptile Dysfunction

I tossed a yield sign into a tornado once. Guess I was throwing caution to the wind.

My teen daughter is acting really odd. She can’t even. It’s causing a family divide. We’ve got to figure it out before our problems multiply.

When I was a little boy my dad lost his job.. .. because they invented a little gadget that could do his job, only better and faster. As soon as my mum heard of this she ran out and bought one.

I owe my success as a fruit farmer to my dear dad. Whenever I felt scared as a kid, he always told me to grow a pear

I’m going to a charity event for female amputees this weekend That place is gonna be *crawling* with chicks

I love being a butcher. It makes it easy to meat people.

There has been some speculation as to whether male cows defecate. As you can see... That's bullshit.