The Best (and Worst) Classic Dad Jokes 👋

My wife came home with a big bunch of flowers and says where would you like me to plant them. I said I'll tell you where you can plant your tulips.

When cashing out at the grocery store it was obvious my cashier was high, slow as hell, and insulting me under their breath. I still don't know if I like self-checkout.

How do you make a 4D printer? Just take a 3D printer and give it some time.

There’s was a Mother’s Day retreat in the mountains there were too many cougars

Two farmers <a geek joke> Two farmers were chatting,One says, “You reckon the profit on your crops this year will be significant?”“All depends,” said the other.“On what”“My pea value”

The samurai's autopsy report came back. They found a chink in his armor.

Why can't you trust an atom? Because they make up literally everything.

How did the Turtle beat the Hare? It used a razor.

Paige finishes writing her biology dissertation and hands it in to the lecturer the following day. He quickly flicks through it and realises something is missing. "Where's your appendix page?""Easy", she says, and points to her lower abdomen.

My Son’s Class Did a Play for the Boston Tea Party. His teacher told him he would be the tea that was thrown in the harbor. She said he could pick to be any type of tea he’d like. He got so upset that he started running around the class throwing things. I guess he chose to be not tea.

Tetanus isn't actually caused by rusty objects, but by bacteria in dirt, which we often associate with rusty nails and tools that can introduce the bacteria through wounds. This is why tetanus vaccines are so important. For anti-vaxxers, that truth could be hard to swallow.Any appreciation for lockjaw puns?

"I drew up plans for Duckingham Palace, but I can't find them. So I guess we'll just have to wing' it."

I used to be addicted to the hokey-pokey until I turned myself around.

Dad, did you get a haircut?' 'No, I got them all cut!'

What did the banana say to the boy? Nothing, bananas can't talk!