The Best (and Worst) Classic Dad Jokes 👋

I wouldn't buy anything with velcro. It's a total rip-off.

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.

My kid is blaming me for ruining their birthday. That's ridiculous, I didn't even know it was today!

Why are fish so easy to weigh? Because they have their own set of scales.

How do you make an octopus laugh? With ten-tickles!

It’s raining cats and dogs, so be careful not to step in a poodle.

Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food colouring. The doctor says i'm ok, but i feel like i've dyed a little inside.

Where do pirates get their hooks? Second hand stores.

I was going to go on an expensive vacation with a classical pianist, but he was too baroque.

When is a car not a car? When it turns into a driveway!

My sister was diagnosed with a terminal disease affecting the lungs... The doctor said she only had 5 more years to live. Her last wish before she died was to go to Berkeley University. I thought it over for a while and said “To Berk You Go Sis!”

A woman walks up to a librarian and asks, "Do you have any books on Pavlov's dogs and Schrodinger's cat?" The librarian replies, "It rings a bell, but I don't know if it's here or not."

What did the couch say to the armchair? Don't worry, I pull out.

I went to a fancy Italian restaurant but stormed out when I found bugs in my food. Turned out it was the anty pasto.

When I was a kid, my father showed me a world of pain I know he sounds like a monster, but he was just a French baker