The Best (and Worst) Classic Dad Jokes 👋

My roofing business is having a great promotion right now... If you buy one roof, the next one is on the house.

A wise squirrel once said "you are what you eat". Don't believe him, he was a nut.

A small boy swallows some coins and is taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephones to ask how he is, the nurse tells her, “No change yet.”

A knight used to party hard He was called Sir Dancelot

Why was the old lady kicked off the baseball team? She swallowed a fly.

Why did the pig jump into the pot of stew? Because it was stew-pig

Did you hear about the dinosaur that couldn't stop coughing? It was a bronchitisaurus.

What's the only island you can drive to? Rhode Island.

A dad died due to us not being able to remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting that we "be positive", but it's hard without him.

At the job interview, they asked me, "Where do you see yourself in five years?" I told him, "I think we'll still be using mirrors in five years."

Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, No, just leave it in the carton!

I can always tell when my wife is lying just by looking at her. I can also tell when she’s standing.

What’s the least spoken language in the world? Sign language.

Why does a husband lead a dog's life? He comes in with muddy feet, gets comfortable by the fire, and waits to be fed.

I spent a lot of time, money, and effort childproofing my house… but the kids still get in.