The Best (and Worst) Classic Dad Jokes 👋

I was going to go on an expensive vacation with a classical pianist, but he was too baroque.

I have a joke about being an electrician, but it’s too shocking.

I have a few jokes about retired people, but none of them work.

I have a joke about pizza, but it’s too cheesy.

Two guys walked into a bar. The third guy ducked.

I used to be able to play piano by ear, but now I have to use my hands.

I was going to go on an expensive vacation with a classical pianist, but he was too baroque.

I asked an old couple for relationship tips and the wife said "tell him a fruit joke..." And if he doesn't appreciate fruit jokes you need to let that mango.

Why doth Abraham not bringeth his grain to the spelling bee? For it was already spelt.

You are european when going to the bathroom and european when you leave the bathroom. What are you whilst in the bathroom? You're peeing

A few years ago my wife asked me if I'd seen the news story about a Moose walking into a lobby in Alaska. It sounded so much the first line of a joke that I figured I had to come up with something... A moose walks into a hotel lobby in Alaska and starts eating the plants.The hotel manager comes over and says, "Juneau, it's illegal to eat the foliage, don't you?"The Moose looks at him calmly, still chewing, and says, "Nome, Nome, Nome."

My new year's resolution is to do less drugs No wait, _fewer_ drugs—it's to do fewer drugs

Ireland Did you hear about the Diseased Colony in Ireland that stole everyone's money?.......It was a Leper Con.

You're lost in the middle of the woods at night, alone. The sky is cloudy, there are no trails, no map, no cell phone and no GPS. No sign of a city in any direction. How do you get back to civilization? You tell an old joke out loud, wait a couple of minutes and follow any of the angry redditors shouting "repost!" back to civilization.

What's Forrest Gump's internet password? 1forest1