The Best (and Worst) Classic Dad Jokes 👋

"Oh honey, are you the Middle East?" "Because you are one screwed-up mess, but I can't resist getting involved!"

I suffered a broken collar bone, concussion and some minor bruising when I fell asleep at the wheel. Got kicked out of pottery class too.

Only a bank ATM will charge you $3 to get your money back Then tell you to cover your pin so you don't get robbed.

I once dated a clairvoyant. But it ended when she said she was seeing my great Grandfather.

What is Homer Simpson's favorite toy? Play D'oh

Do you think Daniel Radcliffe could ever play a hobbit? No, but Elijah would.

I was watching the weather on TV tonight and the forecaster said, "And because of the cold front coming in from North-East, we can expect about 5 inches of snow." She then glared off camera and continued... "Or as my colleague Bill would say, 8 inches."

All the big cats gathered for a game of poker. Why did the tiger lose? Because one of his opponents kept on lion. Another had a puma-nent poker face. But the real problem was the cheetah.

Once, at an all boys summer camp, I dreamed I ate a giant marshmallow, and when I woke up my pillow was gone. But that's not what freaked me out... ...the night before that I dreamed I was in a hotdog eating contest.

I love dalmatian puppies, but the only pups in my neighborhood are all white. I spotted one this morning.

You can't break an electric toothbrush If it stops working, it becomes a toothbrush.

Why do the French never order 2 eggs? Because one egg is an oeuf.

I couldn't get a reservation at the library. Because they were completely booked.

How can a leopard change his spots? By moving.

A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says: 'sorry we don't serve food here'