The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes About Dads 👋

One friend complained to another, 'All my husband and I do anymore is fight. I've been so upset, I’ve lost 20 pounds.' 'If it’s that bad, why don’t you just leave him?' asked the second friend. 'I’d like to lose another fifteen pounds first.'

She was pretty mad when I only picked seven up

Do you know the last thing my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket? 'Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket.'

I hated facial hair but then it grew on me.

My wife wanted to spice up our sex life, so she asked if we could play doctor tonight. It seemed like a weird idea, but I’m eager to please.

Concerned that his son was spending too much time on video games, a dad told him, “When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace.” “Oh yeah?” the son retorts. “Well, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was President of the United States.”

Concerned that his son was spending too much time on video games, a dad told him, “When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace.” “Oh yeah?” the son retorts. “Well, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was President of the United States.”

What do you say to a rabbit on its birthday? Hoppy Birthday!

What’s the difference between an African elephant and an Indian elephant? About 5,000 miles.

How do birds learn to fly? They wing it.

Why were the utensils stuck together? They were spooning.

What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto.

I can always tell when my wife is lying just by looking at her. I can also tell when she’s standing.

I asked my dog what’s two minus two. He said nothing.

I built a model of Mount Everest and my son asked, “Is it to scale?” I replied, “No… It’s to look at”