The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes About Dads 👋

A friend of mine didn’t pay his exorcist. He got repossessed.

I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend. She was obsessed with an X.

Does anybody know where a guy can find a person to hang out with, talk to, and enjoy spending time with? I'm just asking for a friend.

One friend complained to another, 'All my husband and I do anymore is fight. I've been so upset, I’ve lost 20 pounds.' 'If it’s that bad, why don’t you just leave him?' asked the second friend. 'I’d like to lose another fifteen pounds first.'

My wife gave birth three times and still fits in her prom dress from high school. I gave birth zero times and I don’t fit in my pants from March.

The first thing Santa's elves learn in school is their elf-abet.

Mom says I have no sense of direction, so I packed my bags and right.

A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says: 'sorry we don't serve food here'

Why should you never use a dull pencil? Because it’s pointless.

What did the seal with one fin say to the shark? If seal is broken, do not consume.

Why did the man fall down the well? Because he couldn't see that well!

My ex and I had a very amicable divorce. I know this because when I posted on Facebook, “I’m getting a divorce,” she was the first one to like it.

What is a calendar’s favorite food? Dates.

A father tells his son that he was adopted. “I want to meet my biological parents,” the son demands. “We are your biological parents,” the father responds. “Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in twenty minutes.”

“Dad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is?” No sun.