The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes for Adults 👋

My boss asked me why I only get sick on work days. I said it must be my weekend immune system.

What's a lawyer's favorite drink? Subpoena colada.

Why was the broom late? It over-swept.

What do you call two dogs breathing heavily? A pair of pants

Can you stop staring at my gf when she's breastfeeding at the mall???? When I'm thirsty I'm thirsty.

My son asked me: "would you sell me for a million dollars?!?" I said "never in a million billion years!!"He asked "what about 2 million"I said "are you kidding me?!? In this economy? Sorry little man"

Why do squirrels live in trees? Because they’re fucking nuts!

Why did the horny rebellion only last two minutes? Because everyone came

Just thought of one but maybe borrowed. Always wondered why there's a lot indian doctors in gastroenterology. Let me go ask my friends Pooja and Harshit.

When I die I want to be cremated and my ashes spread on a beach. Because even when I'm dead, I still want to get into lady's pants.

Why do I always bring 2 pairs of pants when I go golfing? Because I always get a hole in one

What do you call an Italian transvestite? A grease trap.

Son: Dad, why is destruction a form of creation? Dad: Well son, you see, I destroyed your mom's pussy to create your ass.

After it was determined that dogs could not transmit COVID-19 to humans, the world health organization deemed that all companion pets could be let out of quarantine We really should have seen this coming, they told us WHO let the dogs out for years

My Grandmother found and flushed my weed so, I hid her weelchair...... Now neither of us are rolling