The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes for Adults 👋

My parents are rich... Edit: I’m rich and I need a shovel.

With the second lockdown looming, I saw a man purchase 3 crates of San Miguel, 2 bottles of tequila, 6 bags of paella and a sombrero. I think hispanic buying.

Im sexually attracted to pillows I sleep with one every night

By tightly securing our Nuclear Arsenal through human, digital, mechanical and chemical means, we've been able to almost completely eliminate the risk of nuclear warhead explosions due to accidents or hostile attacks, however if these past four years have taught us something ... ... it's that we also need to equip our nukes with child locks.

They say that 3/2 people are bad at fractions.

I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That's what I get for buying a pure bread dog.

Does anybody know where a guy can find a person to hang out with, talk to, and enjoy spending time with? I'm just asking for a friend.

A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. “You can't cut me down,” the tree complains. “I’m a talking tree!” The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.”

How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.

I love dad jokes, but I don't have kids, which makes me a Faux Pa.

I only seem to get sick on weekdays. I must have a weekend immune system.

“Just look at that couple down the road,” a wife told her husband. “He keeps holding her hand, kissing her, holding the door for her. Why can’t you do that?” “Are you insane?” he responded. “I barely know the woman!”

I'm Buzz Aldrin, second man to step on the moon. Neil before me.

What do you call a Mr Potato Head who rules a country with a violent autocracy? A Dick-Tater.

I bought a new deodorant yesterday. The instructions said "Remove cap and push up bottom" It hurt like hell, but my farts smell great.