The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes for Adults 👋

Why did the thief knife himself after he was caught stealing violas and cellos from an orchestra? He didn't have a safe Haydn place, and he couldn't Handel the thought of being sent Bach to prison.

Two Chinese guys break into a distillery. One turns and says to the other,"Is this Whiskey?"The other one says "Yes, but notas Whiskey as wobbing a bank,!!

My father in law just accidentally ruined my brother in law's cigar by sitting on it Close butt, no cigar

[NSFW] When I visit my urologist I make sure he checks my whole body. Sometimes I can be a dick.

Told my wife I was so stressed that only a blow job would help. She asked me where I was going to find a cock to suck at this time of night.

I bought Spotify premium for an uninterrupted music experience. But I still hear my wife’s bickering between songs.

What happens when doctors get frustrated? They lose their patients.

I’m thinking about removing my spine. I feel like it’s only holding me back.

If you donate a kidney, everybody loves you and you’re a total hero. But try donating five kidneys and suddenly everyone is yelling and the police get called.

My wife told me to quit doing my terrible Arnold impression, but don't worry, I'll return.

I have a joke about inferiority complexes, but it’s not very good.

I have a joke about statistics, but it’s not significant.

How many telemarketers does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but he has to do it during dinner.

I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor bastard.

I haven't spoken to my wife in four years. I thought it would be rude to interrupt her!