The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes for Adults 👋

I heard Sony’s coming out with a new console during the pandemic...It’s called the Plaguestation 5.

I thought about going on an all-almond diet. But that's just nuts.

Can anyone tell me what oblivious means, because I have no idea.

There’s a disease that makes you uncontrollably tell airport jokes. No cure… it’s terminal.

My son asked me: "would you sell me for a million dollars?!?" I said "never in a million billion years!!"He asked "what about 2 million"I said "are you kidding me?!? In this economy? Sorry little man"

Only in England. £800 fine if you are caught at a house party during lock-down.But reduced to £400 if paid early.If you catch covid at the party, the government willgive you £500 to stay at home.That's £100 profit.This country is absolutely fucked.

Diet Day 1...I've finally got rid of all the fattening food from the house. It was fu***ng delicious.

Don’t urinate on people in self defense You’re just going to make them more pissed

Hi, I'm a mental health therapist helping people to be more at peace with their lives. Check out my Instagram! I'm a content creator.

I used to play air drums for Rush in my car until I lost a stick out the window. Now I can only play for Def Leopard.

I gave up my seat to a blind person on the bus. Thats how I lost my job as a bus driver.

My wife wanted to spice up our sex life, so she asked if we could play doctor tonight. It seemed like a weird idea, but I’m eager to please.

If you donate a kidney, everybody loves you and you’re a total hero. But try donating five kidneys and suddenly everyone is yelling and the police get called.

Within minutes the detectives knew what the murder weapon was. It was a brief case.

“What’s your name, son?” The principal asked his student. The kid replied, “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” “Do you have a stutter?” the principal asked. The student answered, “No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk.”