The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes for Adults 👋

If you're feeling depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before you go to sleep. It'll give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

In a freak accident today, a photographer was killed when a huge lump of cheddar landed on him. To be fair, the people who were being photographed did try to warn him.

Why do vampires have no friends? They suck.

Cop: I'm arresting you for downloading the entire Wikipedia.' Man: 'Wait! I can explain everything!'

Police arrested a bottle of water because it was wanted in three different states: solid, liquid, and gas.

I just spent $300 on a limo and learned it doesn't come with a driver. I can't believe I have nothing to chauffer it.

I tried to get a smart car the other day but they sold out too fast. Why? I guess I'm just a bit slow.

Am I the only man my wife has ever dated? Unfortunately yes, she said the others were all nines or tens!

I was sitting on the back porch with my wife when I suddenly blurted out, “I love you.” “Is that you or the beer talking?” she asked. I answered, “It’s me… talking to my beer.”

I haven't spoken to my wife in four years. I thought it would be rude to interrupt her!

Give a man a plane ticket and he flies for the day. Push him out of the plane at 3,000 feet and he’ll fly for the rest of his life.

I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with. She said yes—the others were 7’s and 8’s.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

If you're feeling depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before you go to sleep. It'll give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.