The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes for Adults 👋

Need to save a bit of money during the lock-down. I am getting rid of Google, Siri and Alexa, and I am going to sell all of my Wikipedia and Guinness World record books. I don't need them anymore.My fucking wife knows everything.

How many cops does it take to push a black man down the stairs? None, reports say he fell

What was the plastic surgeon priest’s favourite thing to do? Alter boys

My kink went from gross to illegal I like to have my face touched...by 6 feet

I’d like to have kids one day. I don’t think I could stand them any longer than that, though.

I asked 10 people what LGTBQ standed for… Couldn’t get a straight answer!

What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1.

She was pretty mad when I only picked seven up

Did you know that the first french fries weren’t cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.

What does an evil hen lay? Deviled eggs.

A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, “I’m sorry, but you only have ten left.” The patient asks him, “Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?” The doctor calmly looks at him and says, “Nine.”

My internet connection is a lot like my grandad It's down most of the time, and even when it's up, it's shaky as hell and we all know it's gonna go down again soon

My dad says we shouldn't reward people with trophies for participation, because it's like a reward for losing. So I took his Vietnam Veteran hat

My boss asked me why I only get sick on work days. I said it must be my weekend immune system.

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine: we just get better with age. The next day she locked me in the cellar.