The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes for Adults 👋

My wife and I have decided not to have kids. The kids are taking it pretty badly.

If prisoners could take their own mug shots…They’d be called cellfies.

I catered a movie night where they watched titanic. Safe to say the iceberg lettuce wraps didn’t go over well.

I lost my job at the bank Turns out you're not supposed to push customers if they ask you to check their balance.

Whats the best part of an asbestos smoothie? The fiber.

My love life has become like my bank card.. Contact less.

OBSERVATION Boobs are proof to women that men can focus on two things at once

What does a brothel and the American school system have in common? The workers are under paid, the building probably isn’t up to code and you’re likely to leave thoroughly fucked.

Nvidia teams up with Oceana nonprofit to track manta rays' travelling habits They're applying their latest ray tracing technology.

NSFW what'd the sodomite say to his spouse after an argument lets put a plug in it

Needed to find a therapy specialist How to find one? Tried my luck searching for a probable urls. Internet is so stupid. Seriously? I could not find simple address like therapistfinder.org

A married couple is sitting at the kitchen table The woman asks her husband: "Tell me, what did you think when you first saw me?" The man replies: "I thought - damn, I would like to suck her tits dry and fuck her brains out."The woman blushes and asks: "What do you think now?"The man says: "I think, I did a pretty good job with that."

Did you hear about the masturbating crab? He really came out of his shell.

my wife got mad at me after picking out baby names... she like it for the first week then it clicked for her... i said Peter Brian Johnson for a baby boy and Veronica Jessica Johnson for a baby girl...

My boss asked me why I only get sick on work days. I said it must be my weekend immune system.