The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes for Adults 👋

I recently saw one of those animated pornos that basically makes fictional characters have sex. This one was about a certain famous, big superhero guy in red with an 'i' on his shirt, I can't remember his name. Anyway, the film was surprisingly good and left me thinking, 'that's just fucking incredible'.

Did you know that a giraffes neck is strong enough to support the weight of a human climbing on it? Anyway, I got banned from my local zoo today

My wife asked me if I was together with my mother on her deathbed? I answered: Of course, who did you think held the pillow?

My daughter's boyfriend introduced himself to me and said, 'Hello, sir, I'm David. Nice to meet you.' He put out his hand and I said, 'David, are you nervous?' He said no, so I grabbed his hand, looked him in the eyes, and said, 'Then why are you shaking?'

Did you know the Pope's favourite scent is Pope-pourri?

I asked the IT guy, 'How do you make a Motherboard?' He said, 'I tell her about my job.'

This morning, Siri said, 'Don’t call me Shirley.' I accidentally left my phone in Airplane mode.

What’s a computer’s favorite snack? Microchips!

I have a great joke about nepotism. But I’ll only tell it to my kids.

I was just reminiscing about the beautiful herb garden I had when I was growing up. Good thymes.

My wife told me she’ll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I’m not too worried, I think she’s jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf

What's a lawyer's favorite drink? Subpoena colada.

To the person who stole my case of energy drinks: I bet you can't sleep at night.

If you're feeling depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before you go to sleep. It'll give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

Last week, I met a Genie who said he’d grant me one wish, I only had 3 choices:First was a better memory. Second was a larger penis. Third was… well I can’t remember what the third choice was.