The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes for Adults 👋

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine: we just get better with age. The next day she locked me in the cellar.

I had an appointment to see my psychic next week, but she just called to cancel.

I hate it when people say age is only a number. Age is clearly a word.

Why does a husband lead a dog's life? He comes in with muddy feet, gets comfortable by the fire, and waits to be fed.

How do you get a farm girl to marry you? First, a tractor.

What should you do if you meet a giant? Use big words.

My landlord told me we need to talk about the heating bill. "Sure," I said. "My door is always open."

How much do you charge? (NSFW) A man goes to a lawyer's office and asks him, how much do you charge?The lawyer responds: I charge £1,000 to answer three questions.Bloody hell – That’s a bit expensive isn’t it?Yes. What’s your third question?

My uncle used to circumcise elephants. The pay was terrible, but... The tips were massive.

Why doesn't santa have any children? Cos he only comes once a year and that's down the chimney

There's a serial killer who only kills priests on a Sunday morning. He's a Mass murderer.

What do you call Aussie girls an their period? Bloody legends

When a mosquito lands on your balls, is the moment when you realize violence is not the answer

Drake, Onision, and R Kelly walk into a bar... Drake, Onision, and R Kelly walk into a bar.The bartender immediately gets them all a drink.Drake asks the bartender why he didn’t ask for their ID.The bartender says, “age is just a number around here.”

A stationery store was broken into. Box files, wall calendars and appointment diaries were stolen. Police suspect highly organised crime.