The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes for Adults 👋

You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.

Just paid $200 for a belt that doesn’t fit! What a huge waist!

My wife and I have decided not to have kids. The kids are taking it pretty badly.

A cop started crying while he was writing me a ticket. I asked him why and he said, "It's a moving violation."

For every Dollar a man makes a woman makes 70 cents. That's really unfair. That only leaves the man with 30c.

Blow Job A son runs up to his father and says dad I got my first blow job. The dad says that's great how was it? The son said it tasted terrible.

As a kid I was told that, "Every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten." Also when I was a kid I was told by Bob Barker to, "..help control the pet population."I was raised to listen to my elders...

What do Barack Obama and Donald Trump have in common? Both are former presidents of the USA and both are harassed for the color of their skin.

I spilled some acid on my aluminum fork and it dissolved… …but I didn’t mean to! It was an oxidant!

Why are toilets always so good at poker? They always get a flush

What would the Terminator be called in his retirement? The Exterminator.

I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.'

In the beef army there was a soldier who always snuck up on the enemy from the left or right. He was a flank steak.

I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor bastard.

My friend claims he glued himself to his autobiography. I don't believe him, but that's his story and he's sticking to it.