The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes for Adults 👋

To the person who stole my diary and then died: My thoughts are with your family.

What’s more unbelievable than a talking dog? A spelling bee.

Indiana Jones, Lara Croft, and Nathan Drake walk into an ancient temple that has been lost for centuries. They blow it up.

What sound does an ambulance make when a child predator gets injured? PE-DO PE-DO PE-DO!

What do you get when you mix a turtle and female genitalia? A clitortise

Whats the difference between a woman and a washing machine? You can drop a load in a washer and it doesn't follow you around for two weeks.

I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet. I asked my eighteen brothers and sisters but they didn’t have any idea either.

One friend complained to another, 'All my husband and I do anymore is fight. I've been so upset, I’ve lost 20 pounds.' 'If it’s that bad, why don’t you just leave him?' asked the second friend. 'I’d like to lose another fifteen pounds first.'

How many narcissists does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. The narcissist holds the light bulb while the rest of the world revolves around him.

What does a mobster buried in cement soon become? A hardened criminal.

A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, 'I’m sorry, but you only have ten left.' The patient asks him, 'Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?' The doctor calmly looks at him and says, 'Nine.'

My wife said if I bought her one more stupid gift, she would burn it. So i bought her a candle.

Cop: I'm arresting you for downloading the entire Wikipedia.' Man: 'Wait! I can explain everything!'

My wife and I have decided not to have kids. The kids are taking it pretty badly.

What did the Japanese cannibal eat for dinner? Raw men