The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes for Adults 👋

How do you talk to a giant? You use big words!

I like to spend my weekends playing chess with elderly men in the park. But it’s becoming more difficult. You try finding exactly32 old guys.

Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable.

When the grocery store checker asks me if I want my milk in a bag, I say no, I’d rather keep it in the carton.

[NSFW] How did the turtle finally lose his virginity? He came out of his shell.

Guy dies and enters Heaven. Upon opening his eyes, he sees thousands of clocks on the walls. Also noticed that the minute and hour hands on each clock are turning at different speeds....some slow and some faster. Guy asks St Peter what the clocks mean.....[NSFW] St Peter explains that every time you masturbated, the clock would turn one complete rotation. Guy asks where his clock is. St Peter replies, “we use your clock as a bathroom fan.”

Sitting in the sand at the nudist resort, I wondered, What's all the fuss about anal beaching?

Does anybody know where a guy can find a person to hang out with, talk to, and enjoy spending time with? I'm just asking for a friend.

My sister-in-law is an archaeologist. Only person I’ve known that is excited to find a bone in her chicken.

What do you call someone who can’t stick to a diet? A desserter.

Within minutes the detectives knew what the murder weapon was. It was a brief case.

Today I’m attaching a light to the ceiling, but I’m afraid I’ll probably screw it up.

What did Benjamin Franklin say when he discovered electricity? Nothing. He was too shocked.

I have a joke about drilling, but it’s boring.

A cop started crying while he was writing me a ticket. I asked him why and he said, "It's a moving violation."