The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes for Adults 👋

My wife said, “You weren’t even listening, were you?” And I thought, “that’s a pretty weird way to start a conversation.”

My buddy was dating twins... I asked him how he could tell them apart, and he replied, "That's easy. Barbara has really big tits and Bob has a mustache."

Why is P0rnhubs number 1 user Darth Maul? (I’m gonna get banned for this) Because he’s really horny

My brother has the hands of a surgeon... And a pending trial for grievous bodily harm.

What's the file extension of the Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer intro? .rar

I heard that my sister is dating the teacher. I could hear them making out in the closet yesterday Homeschooling is weird

What do you call it when a snowman ejaculates? Ice Cream

I've been taking care of my elderly grandfather and he asked me to come tie his shoes while he was on the toilet I said, "you can't be serious"He said, "I shit, you knot"

Damn girl are you a pink Himalayan salt lamp? Cuz this clearly isn’t working and I still feel like shit when I’m around you.

I lose my White friends in the snow, I lose my Black friends at night, I lose my Asian friends in the sand, where do I lose my Arab friends? In an explosion.

I’ve noticed my wife gets very aggressive about controlling the TV remote at the same time each month. It’s nothing but period drama.

What do you call a white hat hacker from Pennsylvania? A penn tester

I think the Rainforest Cafe takes the whole rainforest theme too far. This one time I was sitting there eating my chicken tenders and they bulldozed 40% of the restaurant.

When I told my therapist about being unhappy, he said, "When it comes to happiness, a good analogy is a 3D-printer." "Oh," I said, "You mean that I should make my own happiness?""No," he said. "I meant, most people don't have it, and many don't even know what it is."

[OC] How do americans get to the shooting range? With the school bus