The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes for Adults 👋

If two vegetarians get in an argument, is it still called beef?

Whoever stole my depression medication: I hope you’re happy.

Am I the only man my wife has ever dated? Unfortunately yes, she said the others were all nines or tens!

The aliens studying Earth hold a conference. The keynote speaker stands, and after welcoming the attendees and the usual pleasantries, he begins, "Ladies and gentlebeings, for seventy of its years, we have studied this planet... "As you know, our primary research method is to abduct a local sapient and probe its rectum. After these many years, and thousands or millions of rectal probes, we have definitively learned exactly one thing."One in six of them likes it."

My husband called me a p*ssy, and I had to remind him... "You are what you eat."I've been a d*ck ever since.

TIFU my IT job interview when I was asked to give an example of role-based security. Apparently, six ply toilet paper was not the correct answer.

The phone rings at Crayola Headquarters {green-green-green}"Yellow?""May I speak to Mr. Brown?""Please white while I transfer you."{pink}

On Mercury's unlit side, it can get as low as -183 degrees Celsius... But hey, on the bright side, it's 467 degrees Celsius.

I've been asked to lead the singing at Keith Flint's funeral I'm a choir starter

I bought Spotify premium for an uninterrupted music experience. But I still hear my wife’s bickering between songs.

My boss asked me why I only get sick on work days. I said it must be my weekend immune system.

Did you know your pupils are the last part to stop working when you die? They dilate.

If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery…I’ll kill him with my bear hands.

If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery…I’ll kill him with my bear hands.

Q: What do you need to make a small fortune on Wall Street? A: A large fortune.