The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes for Adults 👋

RIP, boiling water. You will be mist.

Whats the worst place to loose ypur virginty? At a family trip to Alabama

NSFW My friend found a girl tied to the train tracks. He told me he untied her and they went back to his place, I asked what they got up to and he said they had sex all night. Impressed by this I asked him if he got any head to which he said Nah I couldn’t find it

What do mosquitoes and my job have in common? They both suck and annoy the ever living piss out of me.

What do you call someone who refuses to drink anything other than alkaline water? A basic bitch.

My brain is like a library of film facts that I barely even remember IMDumB

I turned to my wife last night I turned to my wife last night and said ......."I'm into anal".She gave me a look of despair, glared at me and then said "Animal".I just love it when we do the cryptic crossword together!

Ford and Renault were working on a joint car project...... ...where they combined the Renault Clio with the Ford Taurus. They gave up when male test drivers couldn't find the car.

My wife is a pain in the arse, but I'll always buy her flowers. Fucks with her hay-fever.

Seriously, she has Multiple Personality Disorder? Yeah, crazy right. Sharon is Karen.

What happened to the cannibal who had problems with eating brains? The others gave him a hand.

If a mass of beef fat is 'tallow', and mass of pig fat is 'lard', what is a mass of human fat called? 'American'.Just kidding, it's actually called 'Yo Momma'.

What do you call a guy who jumps off the 3rd floor balcony into the pool and misses? An ambulance