The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes for Adults 👋

Do you have a USB wire thingy so I can charge my phone in my honda? **Best Buy employee:** a cord?**Me:** no it's a Civic.

I just got a new job teaching English at a maximum security prison. It's going to be tough but like any other job out there..... It'll have its prose and cons.

My 7yr old son told me this tonight. What do you call a snowman temper tantrum? A meltdown*edit* Thanks for the silver, its greatly appreciated

When cashing out at the grocery store it was obvious my cashier was high, slow as hell, and insulting me under their breath. I still don't know if I like self-checkout.

A friend of mine said he likes metal. A friend of mine said he likes metal, so I asked him to tell me 3 blacksmiths. He said, "Will, Jaden, and Willow."

Scientists modified bears DNA to make them more humanlike. ... unfortunately the result was unbearable

Only 1% of population uses the labels on clothes to check washing method The remaining 99% believes that the label is to see where the back side is.

Why did the dyslexic kid push his brother out of the window? He wanted to see Tim fly.

How to control population ? Google: Use a CondomBing: \*Cocks Gun\*

Ice Cream gets tested positive for Covid in China I hope they've put it straight into iceolation

I have to give a talk in college next week, on the history and manufacture of petroleum-based lubricants, so I've spent all day in the local library. They have an excellent non-friction section.

Trump says he’s a self-made man. I think it’s decent of him to take the blame.

What do you call a road vehicle designed to carry a large amount of fuck-ups? A blunderbuss

I identify as an ambulance My pronouns are wee/woo

Why do geologists hate their jobs? They get taken for granite.