The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes with Answers 👋

My wife says nothing rhymes with “orange.” And I said, “No, it doesn’t!”

I'm worried for the calendar because its days are numbered.

My landlord told me we need to talk about the heating bill. "Sure," I said. "My door is always open."

My friend claims he glued himself to his autobiography. I don't believe him, but that's his story and he's sticking to it.

Mom texted me from the grocery store to say they’re out of pasta, and we’re penneless.

I tried to explain to my 4-year-old son that it’s perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. But he’s still making fun of me.

How do you know if there’s an elephant under your bed? Your head hits the ceiling!

Since starting the quarantine two weeks ago, I’ve been shredding all my old CVS receipts. I’m about halfway done... ...with the first one.

I don't like to illegally download music. I'm afraid I'll get FLAC.

My 6 year old niece told me this one. What do you call an alligator who likes to wear vests?(•_•)( •_•)>⌐■-■(⌐■_■)An investigator

I had a big wasps nest under the eve of my roof so I went to the hardware store to find some wasp spray. I found a can and asked a worker if this was good for wasps? He says “No, it kills them.”

What do turtles eat? Plastic

What did settlers eat when they headed west? Oregon Trail Mix. I hope this joke doesn't die of dysentery.

I always said that I would never ever go walking dark scary tunnels in the earth. But eventually I caved.

A German is trying to to make his way to Paris At the border, the French customs agent asks him “Name?”“Hans Mueller.”“Place of residence?”“Munich.”“Occupation?”“No, just vacation this time.”