The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes with Answers 👋

My family is so generous... They installed hardwood in my dining room. I was floored.

I heard a woman on the street today tell her boyfriend “ALL MEN ARE DOGS!” during an argument.... But for some reason she wasn’t very happy when I asked if I could pet him.And anyways, it was pretty irresponsible to have him off leash and all.

An old friend of mine married a young girl As we’re not exactly young ourselves, I was curious how he held up, and asked him how often they had sex. “Almost every day,” he said.“Almost every day?!” I exclaimed.“Yes, almost on Monday, almost on Tuesday, almost on Wednesday...”

What did the scientist said after mixing oxygen and magnesium? O Mg

I find it ironic that the colors red, white and blue stand for freedom..... Until they are flashing behind you!

Why do fish form schools, but ants form colonies? Cause *truants* don't go to school!(I came up with this right now)

What’s the difference between putting a microchip in a snail and punching a grasshopper in the face? One is bugging a slug.The other is slugging a bug

What should you do if you come across a man eating crocodile? Wipe it off, apologize, and leave him to finish his exotic meal in peace.

How does a scarecrow drink his juice? With a straw!

What's a foot long and slippery? A slipper.

The guy who stole my diary just died. My thoughts are with his family.

I'm worried for the calendar because its days are numbered.

Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.'

I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered.'

I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.