The Best (and Worst) Dad Puns & Wordplay 👋

I asked my dog what’s two minus two. He said nothing.

I like to spend my weekends playing chess with elderly men in the park. But it’s becoming more difficult. You try finding exactly32 old guys.

Struggling to think of what to buy someone for Christmas? Get theme a fridge and watch their face light up when they open it.

What do you put on a lonely grilled cheese sandwich? Provolone, but only if you have it’s parmesan.

“Whoever stole my depression medication — I hope you’re happy now.”

I had to sell my vacuum cleaner. All it was doing was gathering dust.

I once wrote a song about a tortilla, but it's more of a wrap.

I used to be able to play piano by ear, but now I have to use my hands.

You know people say they pick their noses… but I feel like I was just born with mine!

I wasn’t close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.

What's the best thing about Switzerland? I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.

A cheese factory exploded in France. Da brie is everywhere!

My wife says nothing rhymes with “orange.” And I said, “No, it doesn’t!”

A man walks into a library and asks if there’s any books about turtles... Librarian: hardback?Man: Yea with little heads

what do you get if you cross a poodle with a pit bull? not much of a watchdog, but it’s a vicious gossip.