The Best (and Worst) Dad Puns & Wordplay 👋

Did you see the new youtube channel that's non stop footage of gorillas opening bananas? It's super ape peeling.

It’s a little known fact that superstar actor Yul Brynner was a huge Liverpool F.C fan. He also refused to use aftershave as it made his skin come up in hives..... Yul never wore cologne!

Two surgeons are in an operating room... One has a large cut. The second surgeon asks “would you like me to stitch that up for you?”The first surgeon says “no thanks, I’d prefer to close my own wound”The second surgeon replies “suture self”

I caught my son chewing an electric wire. He is grounded now.

I've had some pain in my stomach ever since I ate those Radiohead and Arctic Monkeys CDs. I think I've got indiegestion.

In the old days, when you illegally downloaded music it would transfer everything but the drum tracks, so you’d have to duplicate those on your own. That’s why they say you can’t steal music without repercussion.

At the weekend, I like to play chess with elderly men in the park. But it's becoming increasingly harder.. ..to find exactly 32 of them.

In America, using the metric system can get you in legal trouble. In fact, if you sneer at any other method of measuring liquids, you may be held in contempt of quart.

What do you call malware on a Kindle? A bookworm.

Why'd the alternate universe Spider-Man do so well on his driving test? He's an excellent parallel Parker.

I had a fun childhood. My dad used to push me down the hill in old tires. They were Goodyears.

How do astronomers organize a party? They planet.

A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. “I’d like some wings and a pint of beer, please, ' he says. “Sorry, but I can’t serve you, ' the bartender replies. “You’re out of your head. '

What key is used to open bananas? A mon-key.

What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?' 'Sofishticated.'