The Best (and Worst) Dad Puns & Wordplay 👋

I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.

Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind—it's tearable.'

I could tell a joke about pizza, but it's a little cheesy.

When two vegans get in an argument, is it still called a beef?

A steak pun is a rare medium done well.

My landlord told me we need to talk about the heating bill. 'Sure,' I said. 'My door is always open.'

“Did you hear that I’m reading a book about anti-gravity? It’s impossible to put down.”

I want to name my puppies Rolex and Timex so I can have watch dogs.

Did you know your pupils are the last part to stop working when you die? They dilate.

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish? Swimming trunks.

I have a clean conscious—it's never been used.

I tell dad jokes, but I don't have any kids. I'm a faux pa.

What do you call a man who can’t stand? Neil.

"I'll call you later." Don't call me later, call me Dad.

What do you call a pencil with two erasers? Pointless!