The Best (and Worst) Dad Puns & Wordplay 👋

What is a centipedes's favorite Beatle song? I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand...

Earlier today I saw a fish in a hospital waiting room going up to people and giving them medical advice. I said "Oi fish, stop that, what do you think you're doing?!"He said "Don't worry about it, it's ok... I'm the Sturgeon General".

New types of sliced loaf aren't invented, or discovered... They're bread.

Two old friends meet on the street one day who haven’t seen each other in years... “Tony! Is that you?” “Hal! You look terrific! What’s your secret?” “I hit a hitchhiker late at night three years ago when I was drunk and fled the scene, leaving him for dead.” “Um... I meant for looking so young.”

A man from Alabama opened his fridge... He looked around inside, closed the fridge and yelled to his wife:"Honey! We're out of bread!"The wife came into the room with a new loaf."Don't worry," she said. "We're in bread."

what do you call a group of Giraffes? a Myth

I let my daughter touch a fork for the first time. Where she put it was shocking.

I don't like to illegally download music. I'm afraid I'll get FLAC.

My employees are developing weaponized crocodiles. I told them to make it snappy.

I signed up for a marathon, but how will I know if it's the real deal or just a run through?

What's that Nevada city where all the dentists visit? Floss Vegas.

What do you call malware on a Kindle? A bookworm.

I tried to make up a joke about ghost but I couldn't. It had plenty of spirit but no body.

Where do armies belong? In your sleeves.

I have a joke about chemistry, but I don’t think it’ll get a reaction.