The Best (and Worst) Dad Puns & Wordplay 👋

What’s the least spoken language in the world? Sign language.

I want to go on record that I support farming. As a matter of fact, you could call me protractor.

What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.

Which days are the strongest? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.

If a child refuses to nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest?

Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable.

Can I dive in this pool? It deep-ends.

I once got fired from a canned juice company. Apparently I couldn't concentrate.'

What do you get when you cross a polar bear with a seal? A polar bear.

What's brown and sticky? A stick.'

How do you follow Will Smith in the snow? You follow the fresh prints.

I wouldn't buy anything with velcro. It's a total rip-off.'

A cop started crying while he was writing me a ticket. I asked him why and he said, 'It's a moving violation.'

I had to sell my vacuum cleaner. All it was doing was gathering dust.

A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, 'I’m sorry, but you only have ten left.' The patient asks him, 'Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?' The doctor calmly looks at him and says, 'Nine.'