The Best (and Worst) Daily Dad Joke Calendar 👋

Have you heard about the chocolate record player? It sounds pretty sweet.'

My wife and I let astrology get between us. It Taurus apart.

The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested. I hear they’re gonna give him a really tough sentence.

I asked my dog what's two minus two. He said nothing.

What time do ducks wake up? At the quack of dawn.

The past, present and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

Donald Trump doesn't believe in the eventual flooding of the coasts due to climate change apparently he doesn't think America can sink any lower either.

Hey, do you want to come back to my place and regulate our body temperatures using external sources? No hom(e)o(stasis)

Two gentlemen are walking through the West End on their way to a show. One turns to the other and says, “I have a feeling a large number of right-wing wazzocks are going to be there tonight. Trust me, you’ll see the... Queue anon.

AITA for mixing up orders and serving a vegan customer a meat sandwich? Oops wrong sub

When you really have to pee, your Russian to the bathroom, when you walk out, you're Finnish, so what are you while you're inside? European! This was one of my dad's jokes

Why was the ghost depressed? Because it was a nobody

Why is it so hard to colonize space? Because of meteor rights

We are 11 days into self-isolation ands it is really upsetting me to witness my wife standing at the living room window gazing aimlessly into space with tears running down her cheeks. Don’t get me wrong, I empathize with her. I’ve considered letting her in many times, but rules are rules.

What is heavy forward but not backward? A ton.