The Best (and Worst) Funniest Dad Jokes for Adults 👋

Fifty Shades of Grey beat the record for fastest selling R-rated movie in history... Well, first it tied the record... then it beat it....[credit goes to the Late Night with Seth Meyers writers]

I told my therapist I've been having suicidal thoughts He now makes me pay in advance

My friend said that if he went off a cliff, it would be on his own accord. It’s a good thing he drives a Civic.

My wife gave birth three times and still fits in her prom dress from high school. I gave birth zero times and I don’t fit in my pants from March.

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, “What’s with the paper towel? ' The pirate says, “Arrr! I’ve got a Bounty on me head! '

Every time I take my dog to the park, the ducks try to bite him. That’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog.

To the person who stole my depression medication: I hope you're happy now.

I was meeting my future father in law for the first time... He asked me, "Are you here for my daughter's hand?" In the interest of being honest, I replied, "I'm mostly interested in her vagina." He was taken aback so I quickly added, "but in a pinch her hand'll do the job."

Can anyone tell me what oblivious means, because I have no idea.

I was going to go on an expensive vacation with a classical pianist, but he was too baroque.

What should you do if you meet a giant? Use big words.

I have a joke about trickle-down economics, but 99% of you will never get it.

I have a joke about the flu, but I hope you don’t get it.

I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something.

Mom texted me from the grocery store to say they’re out of pasta, and we’re penneless.