The Best (and Worst) Funny Fatherhood Jokes 👋

One friend complained to another, "All my husband and I do anymore is fight. I've been so upset, I've lost 20 pounds." "If it's that bad, why don't you just leave him?" asked the second friend. "I'd like to lose another fifteen pounds first."

A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, 'I’m sorry, but you only have ten left.' The patient asks him, 'Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?' The doctor calmly looks at him and says, 'Nine.'

Dad, can you put the cat out?' 'I didn't know it was on fire.'

Did you know your pupils are the last part to stop working when you die? They dilate.

A cop started crying while he was writing me a ticket. I asked him why and he said, 'It's a moving violation.'

Give a man a plane ticket and he flies for the day. Push him out of the plane at 3,000 feet and he’ll fly for the rest of his life.

If a child refuses to nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest?

If a child refuses to nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest?'

Concerned that his son was spending too much time on video games, a dad told him, 'When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace.' 'Oh yeah?' the son retorts. 'Well, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was President of the United States.'

What do you call a mom who turns into a dad? Transparent.

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.

What type of tree fits in your hand? A palm tree.

5/4 of people admit that they’re bad with fractions.

What kind of fruit do ghosts like? Boo-berries.

Mom said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.