The Best (and Worst) Funny Fatherhood Jokes 👋

A simple but funny joke that came from my 100 year old great grandmother last night She leans in to my mom and says“When is Mother’s Day?” My mom thought she was genuinely asking because she forgot, but she then says “Nine months after fathers night”

In my girlfriend's copy of 50 Shades of Grey I found a photo of me with the word "scumbag" written as a caption. I guess I'm not in her good books.

What did the fish say when he hit the wall? Dam.

One friend complained to another, "All my husband and I do anymore is fight. I've been so upset, I've lost 20 pounds." "If it's that bad, why don't you just leave him?" asked the second friend. "I'd like to lose another fifteen pounds first."

My boss asked me why I only get sick on work days. I said it must be my weekend immune system.

Shout out to my fingers. I can count on all of them.'

I was just reminiscing about the beautiful herb garden I had when I was growing up. Good thymes.

What’s the best way to watch a fly-fishing tournament? Live stream.

I don’t get why Marvel doesn’t use the Hulk to advertise more. He’s basically one big Banner.

Just got back from a job interview where I was asked if I could perform under pressure. I said I wasn’t too sure about that but I could do a wicked 'Bohemian Rhapsody.'

If a child refuses to nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest?

I once got fired from a canned juice factory. Apparently I couldn’t concentrate.

I was playing chess with my friend and he said, 'Let’s make this interesting.' So we stopped playing chess.

How do you tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile? You will see one later and one in a while.

A father tells his son that he was adopted. 'I want to meet my biological parents,' the son demands. 'We are your biological parents,' the father responds. 'Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in twenty minutes.'