The Best (and Worst) Funny Fatherhood Jokes 👋

Lance isn't that common a name these days, but in medieval times, they were called lance-a-lot.

How do you follow Will Smith in the snow?' 'You follow the fresh prints.'

If you see a crime at an Apple Store, does that make you an iWitness?'

Someone complimented my parking today! They left a sweet note on my windshield that said 'parking fine.'

Lance isn't that common a name these days, but in medieval times, they were called lance-a-lot.

What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public? A private tutor.

I tried to explain to my 4-year-old son that it’s perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. But he’s still making fun of me.

What did Baby Corn say to Mama Corn?' 'Where's Pop Corn?'

I got carded at a liquor store, and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out. The cashier said never mind.'

I ordered a chicken and an egg online. I'll let you know.

When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.

I hate my job—all I do is crush cans all day. It’s soda pressing.

I was sitting on the back porch with my wife when I suddenly blurted out, 'I love you.' 'Is that you or the beer talking?' she asked. I answered, 'It’s me… talking to my beer.'

What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel.

I named my dog “5 miles.' So that I could frequently say, “I am going to walk 5 miles now.'