The Best (and Worst) Funny Fatherhood Jokes 👋

Mom asked me to put ketchup on the grocery list. Now I can't see anything.

6:30 is my favorite time of day, hands down.

Stop looking for the perfect match; use a lighter.

I tried to get a smart car the other day but they sold out too fast. Why? I guess I'm just a bit slow.

I tried to get a smart car the other day but they sold out too fast. Why? I guess I'm just a bit slow.

Struggling to think of what to buy someone for Christmas? Get theme a fridge and watch their face light up when they open it.

What did the Dalmatian say after dinner? That hit the spot.

My wife told me she didn't understand cloning. I told her, "That makes two of us."

My wife gave birth three times and still fits in her prom dress from high school. I gave birth zero times and I don’t fit in my pants from March.

If you're feeling depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before you go to sleep. It'll give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

A son tells his father, “I have an imaginary girlfriend.” The father sighs and says, “You know, you could do better.” “Thanks Dad,” the son says. “That means a lot.” The father shakes his head and goes, “I was talking to your girlfriend.”

This guy told me he is the fastest cross dresser in the world. I said "Really?"She said, "Yes."

The worst job I ever had was at the canvas factory, pushing a large needle through 50 layers of cloth over and over and over... Sew boring!

Trump's going to pardon Susan B. Anthony... He just learned the she too campaigned against mass voting by male.

You can be your own secret santa! All you need is ambien and amazon.