The Best (and Worst) Funny Fatherhood Jokes 👋

Burglars are getting more clever, my wife woke me up in the middle of the night "I think there is somebody downstairs" she said. So I got up and went downstairs and checked ever room.. Then I realized I wasn't married....

A contestant made a meringue on Australian Masterchef and the crowd started clapping and cheering. The host said, "This is very unusual for an Australian audience. They normally Boo meringues!!"

I’d like to return this. It’s unused. Clerk: Sir, this is your diploma. Me: Cash is fine.

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, “Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!” The husband said, “Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?” “Doesn't matter”' she said. “Just get out.”

Analbumcover If you read this the same way I did, we can be friends.

Have you heard about the Afghanistan withdrawal method? It's when you pull out too late so you lose almost two decades of your life and most of your money

What do you call it when two dinosaurs run into each other? A Jurassic jam.

What town should a "mountain oyster" festival be held in? Oxnard, CA

What do witches ask for at a hotel? Broom service.

Why was the broom late for work? It over-swept.

Why couldn't the astronaut land on the moon? Because it was full.

Yesterday, I was washing the car with my son. He said, 'Dad, can’t you just use a sponge?'

What group of people never get angry? Nomads.

What do you call a lazy kangaroo? Pouch potato.

If the early bird gets the worm, I'll sleep in until there's pancakes.