The Best (and Worst) Funny Fatherhood Jokes 👋

My hotel tried to charge me ten dollars extra for air conditioning. That wasn’t cool.

My daughter just shrieked at me, 'Daaaaaad, you haven’t listened to a word I’ve said, have you?' What an odd way to begin a conversation.

How do you get a farm girl to like you? A tractor.

How many narcissists does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. The narcissist holds the light bulb while the rest of the world revolves around him.

I was sitting on the back porch with my wife when I suddenly blurted out, 'I love you.' 'Is that you or the beer talking?' she asked. I answered, 'It’s me… talking to my beer.'

What brand of underwear do scientists wear? Kelvin Klein.

Finally my winter fat has gone… Now, I have spring rolls.

I remember as a kid, my dad got fired from his job as a road worker for theft. I refused to believe he could do such a thing, but when I got home, the signs were all there.

I tried to explain to my 4-year-old son that it’s perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. But he’s still making fun of me.

Not sure if you have noticed, but I love bad puns. That’s just how eye roll.

When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, identity theft is a crime.

I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet. I asked my eighteen brothers and sisters but they didn’t have any idea either.

Why haven’t aliens visited our Solar System yet? They looked at the reviews… only 1 star!

My wife gave birth three times and still fits in her prom dress from high school. I gave birth zero times and I don’t fit in my pants from March.

My wife and I laugh at how competitive we are. But I laugh more.