The Best (and Worst) Funny Fatherhood Jokes 👋

" Could you explain to me why I woke up this morning with a cucumber up my ass? " My wife screamed. " Could you explain to me," I yelled back, " Why you didn't wake up when I put it there? "

My son is a man trapped in a woman’s body He'll be born in March

A man is on is death sentence and he gets to choose his last meal He asks his guard for a McDonald's Ice Cream, and lives a very long life, they never found a working machine.

Apparently its illegal to show some cartoons in the middle east Most cities won't screen episodes of The Flintstones but Abu Dhabi doooooooo

This morning I ran about 4.5 miles in just 17 minutes Why can't people keep their large size dogs chained???

I'‌‌m datin‌‌g a‌‌n Englis‌‌h teache‌‌r wh‌‌o keep‌‌s correctin‌‌g m‌‌y gramma‌‌r durin‌‌g sex. Sh‌‌e get‌‌s particularl‌‌y annoye‌‌d abou‌‌t m‌‌y imprope‌‌r us‌‌e o‌‌f th‌‌e colon.

What did the mayor say when he found out the river is flooding? Dam it!

A cop started crying while he was writing me a ticket. I asked him why and he said, 'It's a moving violation.'

I’m addicted to collecting vintage Beatles albums. I need Help.

What did the big flower say to the tiny flower? “Hey there bud!'

Why did the man fall down the well? Because he couldn’t see that well!

I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.

My dad was born a conjoined twin, but separated at birth. So I have an uncle, once removed.

When my wife is depressed I let her color in my tattoos. She just wants a shoulder to crayon.

What does the stork do once he's delivered the baby? He lies on the couch and drinks a beer!