The Best (and Worst) Funny Fatherhood Jokes 👋

I like to spend my weekends playing chess with elderly men in the park. But it’s becoming more difficult. You try finding exactly32 old guys.

My friend said that if he went off a cliff, it would be on his own accord. It’s a good thing he drives a Civic.

I asked my date to meet me at the gym but she never showed up. I guess the two of us aren't going to work out.

How do you talk to a giant? You use big words!

What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved.

A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, “I’m sorry, but you only have ten left.” The patient asks him, “Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?” The doctor calmly looks at him and says, “Nine.”

What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff

Did you hear about the walnut and cashew that threw a party? It was nuts.

I used to run a dating service for chickens, but I was struggling to make hens meet.

Why do bananas wear sunscreen? Because they peel.

My ex and I had a very amicable divorce. I know this because when I posted on Facebook, “I’m getting a divorce,” she was the first one to like it.

You used to be able to get air for free at gas stations, but now it's a $1. That's inflation for you.

We’re renovating the house, and the first floor is going great, but the second floor is another story.

I just found out Albert Einstein existed. My whole life I thought he was a theoretical physicist.A comma. A literalist takes everything literally. A kleptomaniac takes everything, literally.

I think my wife is putting glue on my antique guns collection. She denies it but I'm sticking to my guns.