The Best (and Worst) Funny Fatherhood Jokes 👋

I can always tell when my wife is lying just by looking at her. I can also tell when she’s standing.

Mom is mad at me because she asked me to sync her phone, so I threw it in the ocean.

I wanted my kids to watch the orchestra, but I had to turn it off—too much sax and violins.

I have a joke about time travel, but you guys didn’t get it.

What’s the best kind of music to listen to when fishing? Something catchy.

Every night, I have hard time remembering something, but then it dawns on me.

Where do pirates get their hooks? Second hand stores.

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?”

At first, I thought my chiropractor wasn’t any good, but now I stand corrected.

A bloke arrives at a nightclub door and the bouncers say he can't come in without a tie. He goes to the boot of his car and gets a pair of jump leads, wraps them around his neck and goes back to the doormen. "Can I come in now,' he says to the bouncers. 'Yeah, but don't start anything''.

Why are pirates called pirates? Because they arrr!

What do you call a person who hurts instruments? A sax offender

We did it Reddit! For ONE GLORIOUS DAY, people of the world will put aside their differences! There'll be no hunger, no pain, no suffering! No war, no fighting! Peace will embrace us like a warm blanket! Sickness and disease will cease! So please welcome this momentous occasion.... February 30, 2021

I told my husband I hate my haircut. He replied, "Don't worry, it'll grow on you."

What does the stork do once he's delivered the baby? He lies on the couch and drinks a beer!