The Best (and Worst) Funny Fatherhood Jokes 👋

How much does it cost Santa to park his sleigh?' 'Nothing, it's on the house.'

Vin Diesel eats two meals a day. Breakfast and breakfurious.

As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.

What kind of noise does a witch’s vehicle make? Brrrroooom, brrroooom.

When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.

Concerned that his son was spending too much time on video games, a dad told him, “When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace.” “Oh yeah?” the son retorts. “Well, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was President of the United States.”

What does a baby computer call his father? Data.

Which days are the strongest? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.

How did the barber win the race? He knew a shortcut.

I was in a job interview the other day and they asked if I could perform under pressure. I said no, but I could perform Bohemian Rhapsody.

What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public? A private tutor.

Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door on my face. My parents are the worst.

Mom says I have no sense of direction, so I packed my bags and right.

My wife said, “You weren’t even listening, were you?” And I thought, “that’s a pretty weird way to start a conversation.”

A man is washing his car with his son. The son asks, “Can’t you just use a sponge?”