The Best (and Worst) Funny Fatherhood Jokes 👋

I just found out Albert Einstein existed. My whole life I thought he was a theoretical physicist.A comma. A literalist takes everything literally. A kleptomaniac takes everything, literally.

Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door on my face. My parents are the worst.

Why did the football coach go to the bank? To get his quarter back.

What’s your name, son?' The principal asked his student. The kid replied, 'D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.' 'Do you have a stutter?' the principal asked. The student answered, 'No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk.'

I’m addicted to collecting vintage Beatles albums. I need Help.

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine: we just get better with age. The next day she locked me in the cellar.

What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.

Dad, can you put my shoes on?' 'No, I don't think they'll fit me.'

Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door on my face. My parents are the worst.

I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with. She said yes—the others were 7’s and 8’s.

Does anybody know where a guy can find a person to hang out with, talk to, and enjoy spending time with? I'm just asking for a friend.

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine: we just get better with age. The next day she locked me in the cellar.

My wife left a note on the fridge that said, 'This isn't working.' I’m not sure what she’s talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine!

What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts? A barberqueue.

Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.