The Best (and Worst) Funny Fatherhood Jokes 👋

Why shouldn’t you trust trees? They seem shady.

I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That's what I get for buying a pure bread dog.

Every time I take my dog to the park, the ducks try to bite him. That’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog.

What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y!

Struggling to think of what to buy someone for Christmas? Get theme a fridge and watch their face light up when they open it.

Which friends do you always bring to dinner? Your taste buds.

The vet said she will put the dog down. "But why?!" exclaimed the owner."Because he's heavy." explained the dogtor.-taken from a cat calendar.

What kind of appointment lowers your self- esteem? Disappointment

When I was a kid, we used to refer to the People's Republic of China as "commies." Now they are "dot commies."

My New Year’s resolution is to start collecting highlighters Mark my words!!

Marriage is a lot like a deck of cards. You start with a diamond and heart and you end with a club and spade.

Studies have shown that if presented with song lyrics, the human mind will produce the melody and have it in the background. According to the researchers, your head is humming and it won't go, in case you don't know.

I told my tailor I wouldn't be needing his services anymore He said "Fine, suit yourself"

I recently discovered I can move my sister's daughters through the air with my brain but not her sons. I think I have telekinieces.

My wife came home with a big bunch of flowers and says where would you like me to plant them. I said I'll tell you where you can plant your tulips.