The Best (and Worst) Funny Fatherhood Jokes 👋

Executives at Monsanto have announced an initiative to genetically alter deer for increased movement speed. Those assholes will do anything to make a quick buck

A man is staggering home drunk after last call. A policeman sees the man stumbling around and asks where he’s going. “I’m heading to a lecture,” the man slurs in response.“A lecture?” the skeptical cop responds. “Who would be giving a lecture at this time of the night?”“My wife,” the drunk man answers.

I finally was selected to get the COVID vaccine but I had to work. I missed my shot!

I am absolutely exhausted from my French self-defense class. I've never run so far in my life.

An English cat named ABC challenges a French cat named 123 to a swim across the English Channel, from the UK to France. They both swim hard, but only the English cat makes it. What happened to the other cat? Well, un deux trois quatre cinq.

In Zack Snyders Justice League, Barry Allen breaks a window simply by touching it. This is because windows no longer supports Flash.

What do you do to snitches in the snowman mafia? You ice em’

I remember when I went to Comic-Con... It was so dark in there, I had to take a picture with The Flash...

A man was locked out of his apartment He started talking calmly but firmly to the lock...Because end of the day, communication is key.

My toddler is refusing to nap. He's guilty of resisting a rest.

My dad saw an ambulance barreling down the street with its siren blaring, then said, 'They won't sell much ice cream driving that fast.'

Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door on my face. My parents are the worst.

Yesterday, I was washing the car with my son. He said, "Dad, can't you just use a sponge?"

Why did the math book look so sad? Because of all of its problems!'

Did you hear about the nurse who was chewed out by the doctor because she was absent without gauze?