The Best (and Worst) Funny Fatherhood Jokes 👋

My parents raised me as an only child. Which really annoyed my younger brother.

What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street?' 'Traffic jam.'

I think my wife is putting glue on my antique guns collection. She denies it but I'm sticking to my guns.

Dear Math, it's time to grow up and solve your own problems.

Just got back from a job interview where I was asked if I could perform under pressure. I said I wasn’t too sure about that but I could do a wicked 'Bohemian Rhapsody.'

My wife left me because of my obsession with pasta. I'm feeling cannelloni right now.

I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet. I asked my eighteen brothers and sisters but they didn’t have any idea either.

I wanted my kids to watch the orchestra, but I had to turn it off—too much sax and violins.

My wife gave birth three times and still fits in her prom dress from high school. I gave birth zero times and I don’t fit in my pants from March.

In 2017 I didn't do a marathon. I didn't do one in 2018, 2019, or 2020, either. This is a running joke.

My boss asked me why I only get sick on work days. I said it must be my weekend immune system.

My ex and I had a very amicable divorce. I know this because when I posted on Facebook, 'I’m getting a divorce,' she was the first one to like it.

I wish my kids weren't offended by my Frozen jokes. They really need to let it go!

I asked my date to meet me at the gym but she never showed up. I guess the two of us aren't going to work out.

Son: Dad, have you seen my sunglasses? Dad: No, have you seen my dad glasses?