The Best (and Worst) Funny Fatherhood Jokes 👋

Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door on my face. My parents are the worst.

I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.'

Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door on my face. My parents are the worst.

My wife said, “You weren’t even listening, were you?” And I thought, “that’s a pretty weird way to start a conversation.”

When a toddler reaches the "why?" stage, it's like opening a bottle of champagne—once it's uncorked, there's no going back.

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school. It's ok he woke up.

She said I won’t be able to make it.

“My extra winter weight is finally gone. Now, I have spring rolls.”

My wife and I laugh at how competitive we are. But I laugh more.

A father tells his son that he was adopted. “I want to meet my biological parents,” the son demands. “We are your biological parents,” the father responds. “Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in twenty minutes.”

How does Darth Vader like his bagels? On the dark side.

I was excited to hear Apple might start selling its own cars until I learned they wouldn’t support windows.

There’s a disease that makes you uncontrollably tell airport jokes. No cure… it’s terminal.

As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.

I went to a really emotional wedding last week, even the cake was in tiers!